No one likes looking foolish because someone telling lies. The truth is, you can’t stop a liar from misleading you. They have their reasons. You can’t correct their behavior. But you can deliver consequences and limit your exposure to their misrepresentations.
Or you can pretend not to know about the lies. Whatever works for you.
But, because lies damage trust and crack relationships, your Doomsday Clock responds to your stress by ticking at a faster rate. Without a foundation of truth and respect, there’s no safe place to stand.
With no firm ground to stand on, you are under attack.
DramaGuru Analysis
I found a way to work through the aftermath of discovering that someone’s lied to you. The magic of getting to neutral allows the possibility of slowing your clock and creating the space to analyze your situation.
Using mixed martial arts (MMA) as a framework, first determine the position and the attacks a person is using to disrupt you.
DramaGuru Revelation is based on eight (8) positions and eight (8) attacks. For liars, I’ve chosen the Skunk position and three (3) attacks: the Turncoat, the Sneaky Millie and the Two-Timer.
Lies can be small or large. They can cause only a little damage or a lot. But, in every case, the person telling lies uses the same game plan. To succeed, your opponent must secure his or her position first.
When someone takes Skunk position, no one can get close. Eventually, there’s a need to defend or attack (with a lie) and someone gets slimed.
People in Skunk position must be respected. Not liked, but respected. Skunk, as a position, is not permanent. People move in and out of positions, doing damage and then returning to normal or neutral.
It’s possible to live with or work with people who take Skunk position. But, who wants to live or work with a skunk?
Three DramaGuru Attacks
Eventually, the skunk sprays you with lies. The three DramaGuru attacks used by liars are:
- The Sneaky Millie: sneak attacks designed to humiliate, shame and overwhelm their victims.
- The Two-Timer: Now that I have your full attention, I wonder who else is interested in me?
- The Turncoat: I’m a traitor. When you turn your back, I will betray your trust.
Recognizing where you are in the fight against a liar, helps you to establish where you stand and what your options are, based on your situation.
There’s a good reason you feel disrespected, uncomfortable and in bondage to a person who is stringing you along with false words. The worst liars actually believe their own lies. “It was (felt) true when I said it!”
The Best Answer
There’s no one right answer. There’s just the answer that works for you. It helps to know that your situation is not unusual. There’s a recognized structure to a liar’s behavior.
Shame causes disconnection. Reconnect! You are not alone.
Find a neutral place to stand and make your decision about the person who tells lies.
What are your thoughts on this analysis?
Does your liar fit this pattern?
The game I call Demon Spotting developed over time as I worked through emotional entanglements and confusing break-ups. My misery became code words. Code words became mat drills. Mat drills became winning combinations. And my confusion lifted. Consider this your invitation to play. Clarity is freedom.