Falling in love is blissful. Breaking up or divorcing is often spiteful and cruel. Especially if anger turns to action, with someone posting private images and videos on “revenge porn” sites.
Washington Post: “The voluntary exchange of intimate content was a nearly universal practice pre-pandemic: In a 2015 survey, more than 4 out of 5 adults said they send or receive explicit texts and photos.”
If everyone’s doing it, then it must be okay, right? Perfectly safe. You make respectful agreements and sincere promises.
According to The Washington Post article mentioned above, men are just as likely as women to share intimate images.
Unfortunately, when it comes to breaking double standards, women lose. Because women don’t post naked pics of ex-boyfriends, husbands, and lovers at the same rate as men post photos of women they love/hate.
Historically, women’s concerns are likely to be discounted. People say, “Why did she send that photo?” vs “Why is he so cruel?” or “Why did he post that photo online?”
“90 percent of nonconsensual pornography victims are women.”
WashingtonPost.com
Someone should do a survey to discover who sends the first naked image: the man or the woman. That first photo is an encouragement, transitioning you from a safe place to a vulnerable one. “I trust you, so you should trust me.”
Think twice, if someone forces you to do it by shaming you or threatening to break up with you if you don’t. Sending an image back, ladies, is “frisky business”.
The Frisky Business Trap
Sending photos during your madly-in-love phase can backfire badly during your can’t-stand-the-sight-of-you ending.
Don’t set yourself up to get trapped in this way.
Just Say No
And for those of you who think you’d never fall into this trap, beware! Photos can be taken while you are asleep or unaware. When people want to impress, show off or compete, they sometimes do things that they later regret. #MeToo
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Ancient Proverb
Cornerman Agent September says, ‘Protect yourself at all times.’
No one’s perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn to live with yours. And be gentle with yourself.
Photo Credit:
- Woman with Cat photos by Fantastic B on Unsplash
- Pexels.com, cats
Source:
- Thousands of explicit images of Irish women leaked, The Independent
- ‘Revenge porn’ was already commonplace. The pandemic has made things even worse. The Washington Post
- What you can do if someone posts an explicit image of you online, CNN
The game I call Demon Spotting developed over time as I worked through emotional entanglements and confusing break-ups. My misery became code words. Code words became mat drills. Mat drills became winning combinations. And my confusion lifted. Consider this your invitation to play. Clarity is freedom.